Okay, so first of all I'm warning you for that this entry will be totally cheesy and I'll be all emotional. So if you can't stand emotional and ... cheesy entries, don't read this.
Okay so here we go. As I wrote I missed the bus, haha. ^^' Anyway, I finally left my lovely home for school, and on my way to the lovely school I send some sms, tried to reach my dad and spoke to SY. I had already realized that something was "weird" when she called me earlier today, when I was at home. She called me and asked "When are you coming? It's kinda lonely." For you who doesn't know, she usually don't do that. Not even when we were together she did that. Anyhow, I called her and then she was downtown, with Ari. That was alright... and we decided to meet in school. Which we did, and first off I had to get something to eat so we (me, Ari and G) went to the cafeteria where I got some food, and then... I left for SY and Madde (girl in Chinese-class) and... well. That's where the cheesy part comes in. I had to go to my locker to leave some stuff, and without a warning SY said "I'm comin'!" so we both left for our lockers (they're rather close... just a few 10 numbers between) and when she stood by hers, and I stood by mine... she said something like "No huggin?" which I, of course, didn't hear the first time she mumbled it. So I asked her for like 3 times "What diddya say?" and as I asked her the third time she sighed, closed the locker and said "I said; No huggin?!" Haha. Only that sentence made me smile so of course we hugged. Yes... we hugged. And that was a hug I wished never would end. It was one of those hugs we used to share back then. I don't know why or how, but I just felt it... that somehow, for only a few seconds, it felt like we were back to that. And to be honest I think she felt like that too. However... I shouldn't make this too detailed, but she kissed my cheek which made me reply on that and then of course a kiss. Gah.. Yes, I'm happy about it. Damn happy... thing is, it all went weird afterwards. It always does. But... as we went to the test, we did the test, exchanged ironic, sarcastic, hard-to-tell, funny - looks, and after it, when we left for town, it was all normal again... lol, except for the hand-in-hand thing that kept on being hesitant and so on... so it was like, holding-not holding-holding-holding-not holding... and so on. Haha, rather cute. Oh well... I don't know. Well, I know we're through, but still... what did all this mean? What... are we? How are we? I don't know. Feelings are all over the place, I know. But she tries to move on, and so do I. And I know that even if we would try to be together it wouldn't work... She has some problems, and I have my own problems...
But still I can't stop thinking about her. It's all so... fucked up. I'm in deep shitty love. It sucks, but I love the feeling.